During chemo #1, I asked my chemo nurse, I’m Stage 1, right?
She replied that we won’t know what stage until we are done. This means we don't know if there is cancer in the remaining ovary or beyond.
Well, that means maybe it’s Stage 1. I’m sticking with that.
My non-medical understanding is:
Stage 1 = cancer in one ovary - we know that is true for me.
Stage 2 = cancer in both ovaries. We don’t know if there is cancer in the other ovary yet.
Stage 3 = cancer has spread beyond the ovaries into the pelvic region. We don’t know if that happened to me.
So, the only thing we KNOW is that I have Stage 1 ovarian cancer. I’m sticking with that. No need to future-trip about the potential bad stuff. In this moment I’m sticking with WHAT IS, not What if?
And I’m singing the song Battle Belongs by Phil Wickham. God and my doctors are battling for me. I’m battling. My prayer warriors are battling. God is hearing EVERY prayer and I believe in a God that hears, cares, and answers. So, I’m holding on to that. Because What if’s are cruel, exhausting, defeating, and typically wrong. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
I hesitated to tell you. I don’t want to spread fear, worry, or a burden on you. For some of you who love me dearly and feel deeply, chemo #1 was harder on you than it was on me. I’m able to put up my shield, put on my mask, Enneagram 3 up, and compartmentalize until I’m ready to feel and release the emotions.
If you feel a burden or worry rising, please lay it down. It won’t help me, and it won’t help you. We can remind each other that the battle belongs to the Lord.
Phil Wickman singing Battle Belongs:
Sitting on the front porch doing normal things after an abnormal morning.
